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I wonder if this method of courtship
Has ever been effective
Has any girl in history said
"Sure, you seem so nice, let's get it on"?
Still, I always shock them when I answer
"Hi, my name's Amanda
And I'm not gonna live my life
On one side of an ampersand
And even if I went with you
I'm not the girl you think I am
And I'm not gonna match you
'Cause I'll lose my voice completely, no
I'm not gonna watch you
'Cause I'm not the one that's crazy"

I have wasted years of my life
Agonizing up at the fires
I started when I thought that to be strong
You must be flame retardant
And now to dress the wound's cause into question
How authentic they are
There is always someone criticizing me
"She just likes paying hospital."
Lying in my bed
I remember what you said
There's no such thing as accidents

But you've got the headstones all ready
All craved up and pretty
Your sick satisfaction
Those his and hers matching
The daisies all push up'n
Pairs to the horizons
Your eyes full of ketchup
It's nice that you're trying
The headstones all ready
All carved up and pretty
Your sick satisfaction
Those his and hers matching
The daises all push up'n
Pairs to the horizon
Your eyes full of ketchup
It's nice that you're trying

But I'm not gonna live my life
On one side of an ampersand
And even if I went with you
I'm not the girl you think I am
And I'm not gonna match you
'Cause I'll lose my voice completely, no
I'm not gonna watch you
'Cause I'm not the one that's crazy, yeah

As I wake up, two o'clock
The fire burned the block
But poetically stopped at my apartment
And my housemates are all sleeping soundly
And nobody deserves to die
But you were awful adamant
That if I didn't love you
Then you'd have just one alternative

And I may be romantic
And I may risk my life for it
But I ain't gonna die for you
You know I ain't no Juliet
And I'm not gonna watch you
While you burn yourself out, baby
No, I'm not gonna stop you
'Cause I'm not the one that's crazy, yeah
I'm not the one that's crazy, oh yeah
I'm not the one that's crazy