Your uncle Walter's goin' on and on
(Oh, you're back so late)
Where did you go that you were gone so long?
So, how could you leave me here so long with uncle Walter?

Your uncle Walter saw who fired the shots
He drove his chair in the cavalcade
He's flown from South Africa to countries where
They beat themselves on the backs with chains

There was a fleet of battleships and one reclinin' chair
Headed north on the Arabian sea, now he's back
To tell us what he and his oldest boy Blair
They're gettin' rich with a mail order scheme, oh, oh

Your uncle Walter saw who fired the shots
(We're so glad you're home)
Where did you go that you were gone so long?
How could you leave me here so long with uncle Walter?

Your uncle Walter told me
Everythin' he'd do if he was president
Now, what a perfect world this world would be
If he was president now but he's not

And he sees the children smokin' pot
He knows that in a moment they'll be
Shootin' up heroin, teardrops in his armchair
A fifty minute lecture, tobacco juice rollin' down his chin

Your uncle Walter's goin' on and on
(Oh, you're back so late)
Where did you go that you were gone so long?
So how could you leave me here so long with uncle Walter?

Come on